Date : Thursday, August 6, 2015
Time : 12:57 AM
Title : This too shall pass

About 2+ years ago, I blogged an entry titled: Day 0, which marked the day before my first day of Pre-Registration Consolidation Placement (PRCP) at KK Hospital. It was the last and most crucial lap of nursing school, and I wanted to have a diary of my 3-month long internship so I could look back 2 years later (because my bond was 2 years) and every now and then thereafter, and remember the nurse I was and the good and bad I've been through. But obviously, it didn't happened. Given the following entry, my family had a really rough week then which I could still vividly remembers, and it kinda caused me to sink into a rather depressed mood and lost all motivation.

Time really flies, I have since completed my 2 years bond and am a free bird (bond-free) now. I must say I've been really lucky and fortunate, to have such a smooth-sailing start and journey... till the recent few months...

A month ago, I wasn't able to sleep due to work-related issue. It wasn't the first time,  probably the second, but it was the first time in my nursing career that I felt so ashamed of my actions, and needless to say, frightened as well. It was over a mistake so silly that it shouldn't even had happened in the first place. All I can say now is, sometimes, being too curious will harm you rather than help you. In my case, it wasn't even out of curiosity, what I did surpassed curiosity, it was plain nosiness. This mistake, along with some other little bits and pieces here and there, really got me reflecting about myself and I'm really disappointed with myself.

I have to admit that I have somehow become the kind of nurse I never wanted to be and there is certainly an urgent need to change. One of the reason why I had wanted to start this blog was to constantly remind myself to stay humble and be aware and careful of my actions and words so as to not harm anyone, and to never be too comfortable.

I remember during my 'newbie' days, how timid and lack of confidence I used to be and back then I really look up to my seniors who's able to carry themselves so professionally and confidently in front of patients and their caregivers, and of 'cos I aspire to be like them someday. However, the nurse I am today? Confident? Yes. Professional? No. But what's confidence when you are not professional? And I'm way too comfortable with the surrounding that it puts me in a very dangerous position, given my character.

I've come this far, there are little achievements here and there that I've made along the way, and I really enjoy being a paediatric nurse though I dare not say that nursing is my calling but I am definitely not ready to leave this profession. Therefore, I hope these few incidents serve as a lesson and I'm glad I learnt it the hard way, which is why I came back here to make an entry to remind myself to never ever allow such history to repeat again.

There's so much for me to work on to improve myself to be a better nurse. Meanwhile, no more silly mistakes please...